family

Variety of Addiction

Posted on by blessedncrazy

Hi, my name is Rose and Im an addict. I am addicted to fixing my childrens lives and trying to control them and work them into being like I think they should be. I don’t mean any harm, I only want whats best for them and when I see them going down a road they should not be going then I want to stop them and when I cant I struggle and juggle and do all that I can to try to fix their mistakes and make things better. I have learned this year that I am not in control. I cannot control anything. I cant fix anything. And it is not my fault that they have chosen to walk some of the roads they have. I gripe, I nag, I give unwanted advice, I cry, I beg and I pray, but ultimately this does no good and I am left a crying heap on the floor wondering where I went wrong. I have finally figured out that I did the best I could and that they are adults and are free to make their own choices, but I have to let them be free to meet those consequences as well. I have to learn to detach myself and stand back and let them figure life out on their own. If they want to make the choices that leave them broke and needing bills paid or money for gas or cigarettes that is not my fault and it is not my job to ensure they have the things that they chose to neglect in order to have fun. Today and tomorrow and for always I will love my children, but starting now I will love them enough to say no. I will love them enough to NOT enable them to continue down paths that do not lead to healthy lives. If they choose to travel those paths then they must also choose to deal with the results. I think the only thing I have done wrong is give them too much. I have given them everything I could possibly give…maybe I should of made them work for things a bit harder instead of making it so easy…I don’t know…I know my intentions were good and Ive always wanted the best for all of them, but I think I have hindered more than helped and its time to back up, regroup, find myself, be a mom to the baby and a wife to my husband and not be addicted to my grown children any longer. They have been a drug to me in a sense…I give and give and do and do and what do I get in return? Not that I feel that they “owe” me anything…the only thing I have ever wanted for them is good lives, happy lives, healthy lives, responsible lives…to know that if I fell over dead tomorrow my kids would make it and be okay. I have not ensured that would happen because I have been too quick to take care of their needs…way more often than I take care of my needs or the needs of my marriage. I am oh so thankful that my husband has been in this from the get go and loves them so much…if we were a new relationship he would probably have run for the hills lol. My children are strong willed and strong minded and can be and do anything they want…its up to them to choose the right path and make the right decisions and if they choose wrongly then its up to them to pay the consequences. I will always be their mom and their friend and confidante and I will be here for them in any way I can, but I will no longer be the fixer. I will, with Gods help, fix myself, revive my marriage and have whats left of my life be good and fulfilling without being obsessed over everything they do or do not do. I am putting them all in Gods hands trusting that He will take care of each of them, better than I ever could. I am doing all of this because I love them so much, but I am figuring out I have to love me too. I am not expecting perfection out of me as I travel this new path, but I am expecting progress in my life and in theirs…Im expecting to see great things come from each situation that has brought us to this point. I am so proud of my kids, the decisions they have made to make the changes necessary to have good lives and I know they can do it!

Im pretty excited about realizing these things about myself and Im pretty excited about the meeting I went to last night and the ladies I met that have been and are in my shoes…Im not all that unique after all lol! One sweet, sweet lady just held my hand and hugged me and got me all sorts of books. Yep they are based on the 12-steps, but Ive been going with my son to NA and AA and feeling hope and encouragement there so hey whatever God uses to help us right? Steps 1-3 were not what you would call easy, but are already complete, I think you complete those steps before you ever make a meeting (if that’s the route you choose) because at that point you know you are not in control, cannot do this on your own and you need Gods help. Step 4 is kinda giving me fits…Take inventory…a moral inventory…Im not sure I know how to do that lol. So I made the mistake of googling moral inventory and what do I find? I find blogs and posts all about how AA is a cult and you get brainwashed and have to be deprogramed…WTH? So I stopped looking because I don’t need that negativity lol seriously tho I do not at this point need anything trying to confuse my brain…I know Ive got to figure out how to “let go and let God” and if God uses this program to help me then to Him goes the glory. So now I will go back to looking inside myself and try to figure out this moral inventory without doing any google searches lol.

Wow Its Been a Month….

Posted on by blessedncrazy

A whole month since Ive read blogs or posted blogs…and what a month. My son graduated from rehab and has done awesome. Ive been going with him to NA meetings and find that they really give me hope..hope for lots of things. Tonights meeting was especially good considering I had a rough day emotionally. I dont know if life or the devil or what is just trying to break me down but today was hard. My son has been working and doing so good…yesterday was payday for him and he gave me money for bills…then today he was just weird…cant put my finger on it but my heart was aching and I just knew that he was on something…I asked him, reminded him of the part in the 12 steps that says honesty…he said no, he was just struggling, having a hard day, stressed and anxious. Didnt really calm my fears any. I suggested a meeting tonight and he was agreeable so off we went. Afterwards I noticed that he seemed fine…maybe he was just struggling and feeling anxious, Lord knows when anxiety hits me I probably look pretty wired myself lol. I am hoping that he wasnt on anything and the logical side of my brain says chances are he wasnt because how could he be “normal” after just an hour long meeting? The frantic, worried, insane, wanting to save my kids part of me wants to run back there to his house and tear it up and nose thru it and demand to see his arms. Then the logical side says shut up and sit down, what are you trying to do? Push him to freak out and use?

Im beginning to think that I may truly be crazy…all I want is for my kids to be healthy, happy, responsible, “normal” adults…thats it. I read a book this last week called When I lay My Isaac Down by Carol Kent…its really an amazing book and helped me so much…but today being emotional and stressful all I kept thinking is okay Lord Im TRYING to lay my Isaac down..Im trying dammittt…Im trying to give it all to you, trusting you that you are working all things together for the good…trying to trust that you will take care of them and all will be well…but then my stupid human side jumps up thinking no one can take care of my kids like I can and I have to remind myself that as much as I love them you love them more and that you got this…if I will leave it be and leave it all in your hands. Im trying…I really am trying..can I at least have an A for effort?

My other son, the one who is incarcerated called me today and as soon as I accepted the call the recording said caller had hung up…then he never called back…that did NOT help my anxiousness at all. Still have not heard from him, but his wife has and all is well. He had a church revival thing he went to and being a weekend phones are super busy so he will call me tomorrow.

So here I sit in a semi quiet house posting my rambling thoughts, my crazy emotions and still trying to make sense of it all and still trying to lay it all down…well I can lay it all down fine, the problem comes in NOT picking it back up lol…again, Im trying…Im trying and some days I succeed and some days I fail…and then I just try again.

I got paperwork tonight for Al Anon meetings…saw where there are also CoDA meetings…maybe I need those…maybe Im co-dependent on my kids and trying to make their lives be what I think they should be? I just want normal lives for them that do not involve nightly partying, drugs or incarceration..I dont think thats too much to want or to ask for…but apparently when youre the parent of adult kids you get to just watch and pray and pray and pray and watch some more because you cant DO anything.

My thoughts just like this blog are all over the place…I feel a little crazy lol…Im analyzing every word, every movement that my son is making…and I cant decide what Im seeing…I cant decide if he is really clean or not…I dont know what to think…so once again Im trying to just lay it down and let it go…what can I do anyway? Seriously what can I do? Not one damn thing…all I have is prayer and my faith in God that we are gonna get thru this all…whether it just be my own imagination or something real…God IS going to finish the work that he has started in each one of my kids, as well as in me…its all gonna be okay, somehow someway its all gonna be okay.

Hopefully you dont feel as crazy reading this as I do writing it…lol just a glimpse into my last month of absenteeism…pray for us please…

Rambling thoughts…tears…view from my vantage point

Posted on by blessedncrazy

This has been a crazy weekend. I never knew there were issues between my sons wife and I. I thought we were building a good relationship and growing closer thru this prison time. Apparently there have been issues tho and things kinda came apart this weekend.

From my side…my vantage point…I have done everything I know how to do to be a good mother. To raise my kids with morals, convictions, knowing Jesus, being good people. Was I perfect? No way Jose…I have many things I look back on and wish I had done differently or handled differently. But I do know I did the best I knew how to do and everything I did was from a heart of love and with the best intentions in mind.

My son who is in prison has had a rough life…granted it has been rough due to his own choices and mistakes he has made. I have a granddaughter who is 7 now that I have not seen since she was 5. I have a grandson who is four that I havent seen since he was two. In the beginning of things me and my granddaughters mother built our own lines of communication. I would go over on my lunch hour so that my granddaughter would be familiar with me and we could build some sort of bond. I tried having her for overnights but unless my oldest grandson was here for her to play with she didnt want to stay. We tried several times and I would have to call her momma to come get her. When my son was doing his part and seeing her on a regular basis I still had her one night a weekend…when he fell off and did his own thing and didnt see her like he should I still had her one night on the weekends. This went on for five years. Then her mother got engaged and it was decided between her and my son that he would terminate his rights and I would no longer have her because her mother was worried that I would say something to my granddaughter to confuse her. What I dont know but anyway bam it was done. No more granddaughter. Then the judge denied that termination and I was overjoyed thinking she would be back in my life. But no this did not happen. My son did not push the issue because he knew he was going to go away to prison and did not want to start up being in her life and then disappear for months. He says when he gets out he is getting her and life is going back to “normal.” Whether that will happen or not I do not know…I have adjusted and my heart while still sore has healed and life goes on. From my sons perspective I never really cared about my granddaughter. I wouldnt get her unless my grandson was here because I didnt want to mess with her. And had they just done all this on the downlow not telling me anything I would never have noticed or cared that she just stopped coming around. I have no idea where this thought process came from…no clue what in the world I could ever have done to cause this line of thinking. But it is what it is and frankly my feelings are shredded to think he thinks so little of me in the grandmother department. I even tried to continue a relationship with my grandson who is now four. I would go over after work and see him. I would call and want him to come here. His mother brought him once to my house. Pretty soon it got old hearing snide remarks about my son and then my texts were either answered with sorry you cant come we wont be home maybe next time or they went unanswered altogether. So that ended and there really wasnt anything I could do about it. I know in my heart and those that I confide in and those that live in this house know that I have tried and done all I could do to continue relationships with my grandchildren that I no longer see. I did everything I could and was shut down…its not my fault…and for anyone to think it is really hurts my feelings.

I didnt get to see my son this weekend because of a fight between he and his wife…and I guess it blew into a million pieces in all directions. But I cant just leave things hanging and I cant not try to fix things so I wrote my daughterinlaw a letter. She responded, we have talked and things are okay. Her view and thoughts towards me were shaped because of his perspective on things in the past. When my son first went to prison he was worried about his marriage and I guess about it surviving this. I stayed encouraging and positive and tried to keep him lifted up. He would ask how things were going, what I was seeing on social media and I would tell him all was good. I tried to warn my daughter to not be anything but encouraging, dont say anything in a way that is going to cause him stress…but in her view she was just being honest and wasnt going to lie to him about what she saw on social media. I didnt lie about anything, I just would put a positive spin on things…like so what if his wife went out of town and had some drinks, she was with family…she dont work, shes in the house 24/7 with the baby, everyone needs a break. I know she isnt and wouldnt cheat on you. Many people would say things, whats up with party pictures isnt she waiting on your son? Oh yea she is being very supportive, everyone needs a break. My daughter was just honest with how she thought and perceived the situation when my son would ask. Thus it led to arguments and now the messenger has been shot and her relationship with her sisterinlaw is no more because she feels as if my daughter was trying to cause problems in their marriage. Nothing can change any of this except prayer and thats what I shall do. My daughter has learned a valuable lesson tho, it is most definitely the messenger who gets shot when it all comes down.

My daughterinlaw and I had a lengthy conversation and are okay…all is well…I had me a good cry and felt emotionally trashed…took a nap. And now Im determined to just move forward. I will leave yesterday in the past and move forward praying and planning for a good future.

Prison is hard, on the inmate and on the ones out here waiting. Life is hard. Every decision we make in our lives affects those that love us…and sometimes no matter how pure the intentions or how strong the love the perception from others is totally different than your reality. Thats not to say they are wrong, because their perception of things is very real to them and very much the way it is…I think this is why we have to be careful with our words, with our actions and do our best to lead lives that are encouraging and positive….and this is positively why communication lines should always be open…talk without fighting, without defense mechanisms kicking in…talk and listen without planning how to respond, just really listen. I think a lot of heartache could possibly be saved that way.

Denied

Posted on by blessedncrazy

Parole voted and denied my boy. I’ve always heard the first time you come up for parole it’s usually always denied, now I think I believe it. I had to tell him. I didn’t want to. First he was mad…what’s it matter that I’m trying to do this right? I work, I go to class, I avoid trouble…but here I am denied and they let people out with more time than me sooner.  Then there was just disappointment, even a few tears. Now there is resolve…more time has been done than is left…keep head up, keep walking forward. This too shall pass.  Went to rehab to visit my other son. He’s doing great. Meetings, classes, counselng, really great. Both of my boys are in hard places, and Im right there with them, at least emotionally. I’m so proud of the changes in thought process and actions but I hate that it took such big, ugly things to bring these changes about. I hate that while I live I feel like there is a dark cloud over my life. I hate that I feel like my life is on hold until everyone is home, healthy, happy and good. I swear it’s much harder being a parent to adult children than young ones…even the hard teenage years are easier than this. This time where you offer advice, encourage, love and stand by watching and praying not able to fix or change anything. All I’ve got is prayer and faith in God that this will be behind us soon. I deactivated my Facebook because sometimes my life feels so full, so heavy and then to log in to Facebook and see nothing but confederate flags, gay pride flags and supposed Chrisitians bashing and being so hateful. My God what is wrong with people? Do they have perfect, wonderful, boring lives so they have to stir the crap pot to have excitement? I have no time and no desire for all that bs. I’m so over it. You want a confederate flag? Have one. You don’t then don’t good for you just stfu because someone else does. Joe Blow wants to marry Jack then fine go for it, you don’t like it? Don’t believe it’s right? Then pray for them with your ugly mouth shut. Why is it so hard to just show compassion, tolerance and even love? Jesus says to love our neighbor, he didn’t say only the neighbor who believes like you or acts like you…love them all. Pretty simple I think. So yea I think my mood is fabulous right now, but you know what? In spite of let downs, in spite of bad moods, I still CHOOSE to show love. I still CHOOSE to hold on to my faith and to God and to his promises. This too shall pass. We shall get thru this and be better for it. 

Its Coming Together

Posted on by blessedncrazy

Last week the parole board called me for an interview about my son coming home…didnt give my any hints on which way he would vote, but was impressed with the things I told him my son had learned and said it sounded like he had an amazing support system…hoping to have a date this week of exactly when my boy will be home. Got a call also on my other son for a bed opening up at rehab for him. So we took him to another town today for 45 days of rehab…the place “felt” good and I truly believe God really is working ALL things together for our good. Life is so precious…family is so precious…my heart has been heavy lately for people, young people, who do not have parents…whether it be absentee, incarcerated or parents who would rather be friends. My heart hurts for these people…life is hard, it knocks you on your face from time to time and I cant imagine not having had my mom to talk to, cry with, cheer me on or even ask me what the hell I think Im doing lol…maybe, just maybe lives would be a wee bit better if parents would choose to be the parent instead of the friend…if they would choose to be active and present in their childrens lives…Im not saying it would make things perfect and there wouldnt still be messups because I think Ive been a decent parent, yes I can look back in that wonderful hind sight 20/20 way and see where I could of done this different or that…and I know that ultimately kids have their own roads to travel, their own testimonies to get, no testimony with a test right? But to not have parents in the background praying for you, cheering you on, just being there for you…I cant imagine how lonely that must feel. Prayers goin out tonight for those in just that situation…God says he is a Father to the Fatherless and I believe he will also mother the motherless…he is able to comfort, to lead, to guide and to protect…but they have to seek him…someone has to be a light in their dark world…let your light shine people, you never know just who is seeing your smile, you kind gesture. Remember, one sows, one waters but God gives the increase…sow some seeds of love and kindness. I know Im gonna try to do more of that! Join me?

In Spite of it All

Posted on by blessedncrazy

I am blessed. I am loved by an amazing man…and I love him oh so much. Our bills get paid and we never go hungry or naked! I have beautiful, amazing children…sure they make their mistakes and travel bumpy roads but Im fairly certain that we all did and still do. I have an amazing family, mom, dad, siblings, inlaws, cousins, nieces and nephews…a huge, crazy, amazing, blended family. I may not have all I want and may think Im lacking in something I need, but God knows better than I what is needed and when…and He does supply every need and pretty spectacularly a lot of the wants too! I get moody, pissy and down right mad, but all in all I am blessed and try to count those blessings much more often then I count the sorrows…Smile yall its Friday…yay for weekends…yay for life and love!

All in My Feelings as they say

Posted on by blessedncrazy

Last night I felt so tired and depressed…woke up this morning pretty much feeling the same way. This stuff that has been going on lately with son #1 has really wiped me out and the ripple effects are almost too much to handle on top of it all. Daughter #1 doesnt want to be around him…dont like him no more…I get it, I really do and everyone is entitled to their own feelings and thought processes and deals with things differently. I had my mad stage, and could go back there so easily, but my anger is more directed at my brotherinlaw than my son…and I dont think Im wrong in that…yes Im sad, and mad that my son didnt/doesnt make better choices…while having the issues he has ultimately he knows right from wrong, but I dont know what its like to be in that mind of his. I only know what I see and what Ive read. I can only imagine how hard it must be to at an adult age but know your thought processes are different from others your age…to want so badly to fit in, be accepted, be “cool” that you go to any lengths…being a follower on top of these thoughts/emotions is not a good combination. Yea I have pity parties, where did I go wrong, what did I do, blah blah blah, but I try really hard not to wallow in that, to get up and start over. I dont have the luxury of running away and believe me I have thought it about it more being an adult than ever as a child lol…I have responsibilities and I guess priorities so I just get up and dust off and try again. My family is totally under attack right now…and I so dont want to see us divided and falling apart…I will not give up on ANY of my kids…I will not turn my back on ANY of my kids…I will always do what I can and find ways from others for what I cant do to help them. I KNOW the same God that has a plan for son #2 is the same God with a plan for the others…the God I trust to protect, heal and deliver one child is the same God I trust with all my children. He is able to make all things new, to restore, to heal, to deliver and just to fix…I KNOW He is…I just have to continue to trust, pray and seek Him…I dont know His will or His plan, I dont know what people may have to go thru to get to the place they need to be…its just hard because no man is an island and the lives of those you love, their choices, their mistakes, the achievements all effect you too. I dont know what it feels like to walk thru these things with my siblings as I have not done that…just like my kids have no idea how it feels to walk thru this with the issue being with your child and I pray Dear Lord dont let them find out. I dont know what Im doing and at moments I dont know what I feel, except incredibly sad, all I know to do is keep walking, one foot in front of the other trying to survive this thing called life and trusting that in the end of it all its all gonna be okay and its all gonna be good. Never in a million years would I have ever dreamt that I would be in the place I am at today, that my husband would be dealing with the emotions he is dealing with, that my children would be in the places they are…this definitely was not in my plans or dreams. Yea sometimes I feel like a complete failure as a parent…as a person…so I pray and I sleep until that passes. I would love to be in bed right now hiding from the world, hiding from emotions and thoughts…but I gotta put on my big girl panties and face the world and do my best to be the best I can be. Please if you pray, pray for us, I know I ask that alot, but dear me it sure seems like we are under attack and being being pummeled on a daily basis. Time to suck it up, get dressed and go see son #2…hoping that my emotions stay in check, I dont want to be a cry baby today…

Hmmm

Posted on by blessedncrazy

I have no idea what I am today…what I feel…what I think. Im just kinda hanging in limbo feeling like Ive been teleported to the twilight zone. My life has mirrored a Lifetime Movie and I know I dont like that. What in the world is going on? Ive gone from angry to sad and now Im just kinda here. I still believe God has His hand in and on all of this. I believe He only brings things to light where we can see them when we are ready…although in my own mind I dont know that Im ever ready for the things Ive been shown lately.

My son is still sitting in county jail…Im determined he will sit a bit…something has to get in his head. He needs to stop, listen and be able to hear God speak to his heart. I dont feel anger for my brotherinlaw any more at this moment…I feel done. I dont want to see him, talk to him nothing at all to do with him. I hope and pray that God is able to get a hold of him and do a work in his heart and life, but as long as he sees nothing wrong with his life and his choices that is not going to happen. He has stated more than once that there is nothing wrong with what hes doing and that he loves it. He loves the meth because it makes him hypersexual and he loves the wild, maniac sex and isnt interested in giving any of that up. Only God can touch, change, deliver and save…so I am stepping back and being done physically. I will still pray for him, but Im done with anything else.

I feel kinda irrational…my thoughts, my wants…I also feel helpless. My son is grown, above the age of 18…I can leave him in jail, I can bail him out, I can pay for his lawyer…but other than that I just get to sit and watch and pray…I can offer advice and opinions but that dont mean I have any say so and anyone will listen. I dont think he needs to be on probation, I dont think he needs prison time…he needs help…he needs rehab. Prison doesnt rehabilitate…you have to be strong and rehabilitate yourself in there.  So once again Im on the sidelines with nothing to do but pray…but I guess thats the main thing anyway because God can direct, lead and guide all things, He knows what He is doing.

Ive been nauseated this whole week I think…just sick, in my stomach and in my heart…Im just sad…oh so sad. Sad for my son…sad for my husband…I cant imagine the sadness he feels with this being his brother and his son…my heart hurts for my husband…Ive really been praying for him, for some comfort and peace.

Being the parent of adult children is oh so much harder than when they were little…you cant do anything…you cant protect, you cant shield, or fix…you just get to watch and that REALLY sucks.

Im not liking not being busy…I want to be busy so my mind doesnt have time to think…or asleep…one of those would be awesome right now lol.

Hanging on by my fingertips here, but still hanging on….

Anger Replaced by Hurt

Posted on by blessedncrazy

I knew if I got it all out…spewed every ugly thing I was feeling and then prayed I would feel better…whole, healed and fabulous, not quite…but the anger is gone. Im so thankful that God sees me, my heart, knows my emotions, my shortcomings and listens to me and helps me. Im thankful for His mercy and grace…and I am thankful that He extends those same mercies and graces to my kids and everyone else. I got told today that someone didnt even know how I was still standing. I fall down, I get up, granted sometimes Im crawling, and sometimes Jesus is carrying me, but in my weakness He is made strong and thru Him we shall get thru this. The devil is a liar and he is NOT getting my kids…they were bought with the blood of Jesus and are covered…the devil may win a few battles here and there and leave some scars, but he will NOT win the war…my God is bigger and on the throne and one day EVERY knee shall bow and EVERY tongue confess that He is God. He is not just mine, but my kids, my husband, yalls healer, deliverer, comfort, strength, daddy and oh so much more. There are no unforgivable sins, except blaspheme of the Holy Ghost so without having done that there is no one beyond Gods reach, no one that cant be saved and set free. In my heart of hearts I know all these things…sometimes things hit hard and I fall and I kick and I scream and I have a fit, much like my three year old grandson…but at the end of it all I admit my wrongs, my shortcomings and ask for and receive forgiveness and the strength to get up and try again another time. Im a long ways from perfect…a long ways from where I need to be…but Im also a long ways from where I use to be and am so thankful for that. Anyone thats reading my blog, if Ive offended you Im sorry…but from the get go with these writings Ive stated that I am just me, a sinner saved by grace, an imperfect person living in an imperfect world, but loving and loved by a perfect God, thank you Jesus. One day I hope to reach the place where the anger doesnt over take and I dont have to spew and release so many ugly thoughts and feelings and I can just say Lord take care of this, but until then I only know how to do the best I know how to survive some of the things that life throws at me. Please keep my family in your prayers…this has been a rough year and I know without God we would not of made it this far…I know that this too shall pass and that ALL things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose…I know He has great plans for us, plans to prosper and not harm us, plans for a future…claiming His word and His promises over those I love tonight.

I Admit, I Fall Short

Posted on by blessedncrazy

EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I fall short…of being perfect…but I have a God who is amazing, awesome and whos mercies are new every morning, thank you Jesus. I get mad, I get totally pissed off and I cuss and say things I shouldnt…therefore I try to bring it here where I can let it all out and not hurt feelings in the process. I take it to God and pretty much talk to Him just like I do yall…because He is my Father, He made me, He knows my emotions and my stupid, crazy sense of humor and my huge mouth and loves me in spite of it all. I am so very thankful that He hears and answers prayers. For the first time ever in my son and daughterinlaws relationship they had a deep, meaningful conversation without any biting, snapping, defense mechanisms and I KNOW that God is hearing prayer and working on this marriage. There was truth, there was humility and there were apologies and I am so very proud of them and so very thankful to serve a God who hears, understands and supplies all of our needs according to His riches in glory. Im so very thankful that He loves me in spite of my many flaws…Im so thankful that He gives me strength to get up out of the pity party and shake it off and walk forward another day. Im so thankful for salvation, for mercy, for grace and for love…and Im so very thankful that thru Him I can try and share these same beautiful traits. Yep I fall short…I fall short every day but thank you Jesus that you never do.