Denied

Parole voted and denied my boy. I’ve always heard the first time you come up for parole it’s usually always denied, now I think I believe it. I had to tell him. I didn’t want to. First he was mad…what’s it matter that I’m trying to do this right? I work, I go to class, I avoid trouble…but here I am denied and they let people out with more time than me sooner.  Then there was just disappointment, even a few tears. Now there is resolve…more time has been done than is left…keep head up, keep walking forward. This too shall pass.  Went to rehab to visit my other son. He’s doing great. Meetings, classes, counselng, really great. Both of my boys are in hard places, and Im right there with them, at least emotionally. I’m so proud of the changes in thought process and actions but I hate that it took such big, ugly things to bring these changes about. I hate that while I live I feel like there is a dark cloud over my life. I hate that I feel like my life is on hold until everyone is home, healthy, happy and good. I swear it’s much harder being a parent to adult children than young ones…even the hard teenage years are easier than this. This time where you offer advice, encourage, love and stand by watching and praying not able to fix or change anything. All I’ve got is prayer and faith in God that this will be behind us soon. I deactivated my Facebook because sometimes my life feels so full, so heavy and then to log in to Facebook and see nothing but confederate flags, gay pride flags and supposed Chrisitians bashing and being so hateful. My God what is wrong with people? Do they have perfect, wonderful, boring lives so they have to stir the crap pot to have excitement? I have no time and no desire for all that bs. I’m so over it. You want a confederate flag? Have one. You don’t then don’t good for you just stfu because someone else does. Joe Blow wants to marry Jack then fine go for it, you don’t like it? Don’t believe it’s right? Then pray for them with your ugly mouth shut. Why is it so hard to just show compassion, tolerance and even love? Jesus says to love our neighbor, he didn’t say only the neighbor who believes like you or acts like you…love them all. Pretty simple I think. So yea I think my mood is fabulous right now, but you know what? In spite of let downs, in spite of bad moods, I still CHOOSE to show love. I still CHOOSE to hold on to my faith and to God and to his promises. This too shall pass. We shall get thru this and be better for it.